Self Esteem

Dealing with bullies can be difficult.  Self esteem has much to do with how to deal with a bully.

Self-esteem is the beliefs or feelings we have about ourselves, our "self-perceptions."What we think of ourselves. How we define ourselves influences our motivations, attitudes, and behaviors and affects our emotional adjustment. Ultimately self esteem will be a significant factor in our success in life. It refers to an individual's sense of his or her value or worth, or the extent to which a person values, approves of, appreciates, prizes, or likes him or herself.

Healthy self-esteem is a child's armor against the challenges of the world. I can teach them how to deal with a bully.  Particularly when it comes to dealing with bullies self-esteem is a key character trait. They will have an easier time handling conflicts and resisting negative pressures. They will learn how to deal with bullies.They will be able to fend off and deal with bullies and others being mean and cruel. They tend to smile more readily and enjoy life. These kids are realistic and generally optimistic.

In contrast, kids with low self-esteem can find challenges to be sources of major anxiety and frustration. They will also become an attract target for the bully. They will not be able to deal with bullies.  Those who think poorly of themselves have a hard time finding solutions to problems. If given toself-critical thoughts such as "I'm no good" or "I can't do anything right," they may become passive, withdrawn, or depressed. Faced with a new challenge, their immediate response is "I can't."

Kids withlow self-esteem may not want to try new things, and may frequently speak negatively about themselves: "I'm stupid," "I'll never learn how to do this," or "What's the point? Nobody cares about me anyway." Their self talk is the key. They may exhibit a low tolerance for frustration, giving up easily or waiting for somebody else to take over. They tend to be overly critical of and easily disappointed in themselves. Kids with low self-esteem see temporary setbacks as permanent, intolerable conditions, and a sense of pessimism predominates.  Self esteem is so importnat to help your child deal with bullies.

Kids withhealthy self-esteem tend to enjoy interacting with others. They're comfortable in social settings and enjoys group activities as well as independent pursuits. When challenges arise, they canwork toward finding solutions and voice discontent without belittling themselves or others they know how to deal with a bully. For example, rather than saying, "I'm an idiot," a child with healthy self-esteem says, "I don't understand this." They know their strengths and weaknesses, and accept them. A sense of optimism prevails.

What can you, as parents, do to increase self esteem and help your child deal with bullies? These tips can make a big difference:

• Watch what you say. Kids are very sensitive to parents' words. Remember to praise your child not only for a job well done, but also for effort. But be truthful. For example, if your child doesn't make the soccer team, avoid saying something like, "Well, next time you'll work harder and make it." Instead, try "Well, you didn't make the team, but I'm really proud of the effort you put into it." Reward effort and completion instead of outcome.  This will help them learn how to deal with bullies later.
• Be a positive role model. If you're excessively harsh on yourself, pessimistic, or unrealistic about your abilities and limitations, your child may eventually mirror you. Nurture your own self-esteem, and your child will have a great role model.  Model behavior to deal with a bully.
• Identify and redirect your child's inaccurate beliefs. It's important for parents to identify kids' irrational beliefs about themselves, whether they're about perfection, attractiveness, ability, or anything else. Helping kids set more accurate standards and be more realistic in evaluating themselves will help them have a healthy self-concept. Inaccurate perceptions of self can take root and become reality to kids. For example, a child who does very well in school but struggles with math may say, "I can't do math. I'm a bad student." Not only is this a false generalization, it's also a belief that will set the child up for failure. Encourage kids to see a situation in its true light. A helpful response might be: "You are a good student. You do great in school. Math is just a subject that you need to spend more time on. We'll work on it together."  This also works well when learning how to deal with a bully.
• Be spontaneous and affectionate. Your love will go a long way to boost your child's self-esteem. Give hugs and tell kids you're proud of them. Pop a note in your child's lunchbox that reads, "I think you're terrific!" Give praise frequently and honestly, without overdoing it. Kids can tell whether something comes from the heart.  Tell them you are confident in their dealing with bullies.
• Give positive, accurate feedback. Comments like "You always work yourself up into such a frenzy!" will make kids feel like theyhave no control over their outbursts. A better statement is, "You were really mad at your brother. But I appreciate that you didn't yell at him or hit him." This acknowledges a child's feelings, rewards the choice made, and encourages the child to make the right choice again next time.
• Create a safe, nurturing home environment. Kids who don't feel safe or are abused at home will suffer immensely from low self-esteem. A child who is exposed to parents who fight and argue repeatedly may become depressed and withdrawn. Also watch for signs of abuse by others, problems in school, trouble with peers, and other factors that may affect kids' self-esteem. Deal with these issues sensitively but swiftly. And always remember to respect your kids.  If they feel safe dealing with bullies will be easier.
• Help kids become involved in constructive experiences. Activities that encourage cooperation rather than competition are especially helpful in fostering self-esteem. For example, mentoring programs in which an older child helps a younger one learn to read can do wonders for both kids.

All of these will increase your child's self esteem and teach them how to deal with bullies.

 

Learn more about self esteem and how it relates to stopping bullying, including the common mistakes most parents make when handling a bullying situation.

Discover ALL the little know secrets to stopping bullying in the book "The Ultimate Guide to Prevent and Stop Bullying Now!